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My life would make a great sitcom..wish someone else could be the star...

May 18th, 2014 at 05:11 pm

Last night DH asked me to come over. But he didn't ask till late I was in bed and tired. And I don't want to be chasing him around like that. If he wants to see me he should ask to come over and see me. Or invite me to dinner not text me to come over at 10:30 at night. Frown So I slept crapping. Couldn't fall asleep forever, woke up at 2am, woke up at 4am, woke up at 6am.

Well today bites.

Woke up feeling like it could be good. Silly me.
I mowed the back yard, good. Productive.

It's my Mom's BD, so went to eat with my family. Invited DH, but he was busy (he had a graduation party for one of his athletes, so he did have a legitimate excuse, but since I haven't seen him in a week it still sucked). Lunch was good. Afterwards we went to one of my bro's house and played a pool tournament. We drew names to see who would play who..I got my Dad for the first round (which is who I would be most worried about), he got ahead of me right away, but I came back and won, then beat older bro in semi finals and my step-mom in the finals (she shouldn't have been in the finals, but younger bro accidentally hit in the 8 ball early in their game). So that was fun to be the champ! But my mind felt pre-occupied the whole time. My older bro has 2 kids, a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I love my niece and nephew. But when you want kids, and you don't have them, and you don't know if you ever will....it's just so hard to be around them. If you don't have kids YET and you know someday you will, then it's great and you can play and enjoy them and know you get the fun without the responsibilities. But not knowing if that will ever happen just eats me up, and everytime I smooch on my baby niece I feel like my Mom and Dad and brothers are looking at me with sad eyes and it kills me.

Got home feeling terribly depressed. Feeling sad about babies....and then so hard to come home knowing the person that is supposed to be there waiting for you isn't there. Figured the run worked alright yesterday. Try it again. Decided to ride bike instead cause I had a coupon for a free bag of chocolate chips, so I was going to ride my bike to the grocery store. Haven't taken my bike out yet this year. Went to the shed to get it out and a MOUSE scared the bejesus out of me! Pretty sure I probably scared the neighbors with my girly screams. Spiders - fine. Snakes - no problem. Mice - Absolutely not! UGHHHHH GROSS!!!

Cleaned by bike up, packed a bag with my keys, phone and coupon. Locked up the house. Got on my bike....tires that appeared ok when I pushed on them sank to the ground as soon as I climbed on. SIGH. OK so NOT going to ride my bike then. I already have workout clothes on, might as well run then. Unlocked the house, put my bike in the garage. Set my bag with my keys, phone and coupon on the counter by the door, set my watch, walked out and locked the door.
YUP. LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE....AND NO PHONE. AWESOME. So I walked across the street to the neighbors and called DH to come unlock the door.

As I said I haven't seen him in a week. He came over right away and let me in. Was nice and gave me a hug but it just made me feel worse cause now I am at the point where I don't know if I want him to come back or not. I really don't know anymore. If he made the changes he needed to make...and came back...would I really be happy? I don't know. And that is the worst feeling.

8 Responses to “My life would make a great sitcom..wish someone else could be the star...”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    So sorry about your keys! You don't have to decide now whether you want him to come back. Right now you need to do what is good for you and let him work on him. You may have to 'date' again when he is better to decide.

  2. Banker Gurl Says:

    Thanks CCF. I am terribly impatient on normal issues.....so I think having something so giant that I can't fix/figure out RIGHT NOW is making me Looney Tunes. I need to focus on finding what's best in the long run...not right now.

  3. Broken Arrow Says:

    Reminds me of the time my ex asked me to come over but did not want to tell me why. So, I was always kept in the dark until the very last minute. That time, it was over the fact that she finally found out that her affair was considered illegal in my state and both of them could be found legally liable.

    I already knew that, but I wasn't initially planning to press charges. However, her solution to finding out about this was to have a "surprise talk" with me to get me to somehow back down from pressing any charges. And I just looked at her with a straight face and said, "Why would I do that?" as in honor her request not to press charges.

    That and several other incidents finally convinced me that, yeah, I really need to press charges. Finally, I stopped at the final hour when her lawyer bailed on her, and her new lawyer decided to do everything possible to work it out through mediation. That's what I had wanted all along. Just work things out fairly and amicably. I don't see why that has to be so difficult.

    Anyways, just ranting. Hopefully your hubby isn't like that though... but I say always be careful anyways if they want to have any surprise talks without telling you why.

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    Oh yeah, reminds me of another time when my ex deliberately called me right before bed time. She knew that after having worked all day, that was the best time of night to antagonize me. So she did that, and stupidly enough, I picked up the phone, hoping to work things out with her. I didn't realize she had a different idea in mind though, which is to antagonize me and then record me saying something bad or yelling at her. Which she eventually succeeded. Then, she used that recording to prove to everyone around her, especially to those who knew the both of us, why she had no choice but to leave me. Not because she was with another guy, but because I was a very bad person.

    So yeah, in any case, I think you did the right thing here. Communication needs to be accommodating to the best of two people's ability. One can't just have the other on a whim whenever they feel like it. Plus, if your hubby is like my ex, then he might also be trying something sinister. Who knows. Anyways, take care and be careful.

  5. Banker Gurl Says:

    Broken Arrow - Ugh I am sorry to hear all of that. Terrible! No my DH is not like that....I am thinking his request for a visit was of more of a carnal nature...but IDK. I am surely learing things about him I didn't know, and am sad to learn, but he is NOT sinister or coniving or anything like that. I love the man he is when he is sober. The guy he becomes when he drinks....I don't know that guy, I hate that guy. He is a good guy at heart, he just has a lot of problems. I probably sound like some silly girl who refuses to see the bad in someone when it is so blatently in front of her...but he is generous, caring, and hard working. He is great at taking care of me and our home. I used to also think honest, loyal and reasonable. But those are lost for now. As I said before I am not an innocent in this..so I am sure he thinks some of the same things about me too. However I love unconditionally (which I have now learned is a fault) and forgive easily (also fault). Hard to understand traits that I used to perceive as positives could be by downfall.

  6. SecretarySaving Says:

    Hey! I got locked out of my house this weekend too! Paid $125 for a locksmith to come out and let me in. I'm glad you are finding things to do. This situation with DS is weighing heavy on your mind. Why not try a date night once a week to go over how your week was and how you are feeling? It might ease the awkwardness.

  7. Looking Forward Says:

    Glad you didn't go for the BootyCall - Ugh!

    Make some extra keys so you won't have to rely on him like that.

  8. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    Just catching up, BG.

    Have you had a chance to look into Al-Anon yet? The group has the potential of being extremely helpful to you.

    I hate mice too, and would have been shrieking also. I actually shrieked and jumped on a chair once when I saw a mouse. I thought that only happened in cartoons. . . must be a reflex reaction.

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