Yesterday I wanted to be a good day after Wed was terrible.
I worked, then worked 2 hrs of OT, then went and played softball in the rain. Was supposed to have a pool party after that with my softball team, but due to the unexpected rain that didn't happen.
I was happy to go home early though...I have not been getting much sleep, I plan on going to bed early, but instead always stay up WAY to late and then I wake up at 4am (I don't need to get up till about 6:30) and lay there. So again I thought I will go home, shower, get to bed early with my book. Awwwwww....
NOPE.
Got home and I had completely forgotten my Mom was coming by today to take all the pictures down. 
UGH. That SUCKED! I asked her to do that, but I had spaced it out while at softball and initially I though DH had come and done it! Then I remembered I told her to do that and I totally broke down....while I am stumbling through my house crying like a maniac as I look at all the spots that used to have wedding pics, honeymoon photos and everything else that was my life....I see papers laying on the chair that I didn't put there.
Divorce papers.
Thanks.
He texted me all day yesterday "How are you" "Hang in there" "Have a good day" "Kick some butt at softball" blah blah blah
Did any of those texts say "Just so you know and aren't kicked in the face, when you get home, I took some papers there for you to look at". Was that so hard....to give me a LITTLE heads up!?
Yeah so anyways I was a damn mess. My neighbors probably think there is a dying animal somewhere cause that is what it sounds like...just terrible wailing. I hate it so much....but it just takes me over and I can't stop.
Needless to say the going to bed early did not happen.
So that is my sadness vent for the day.
Now this morning he texted me right away in the morning "How was softball" "Do you want to go play Bingo after work?"
WTF
Just a vent on sadness
June 6th, 2014 at 01:48 pm
June 6th, 2014 at 01:57 pm 1402063063
June 6th, 2014 at 02:02 pm 1402063332
June 6th, 2014 at 02:37 pm 1402065443
Really, go check out talkaboutmarriage.com! They are so nice over there, and there are a lot of people going through the same things as you that would love to help, or just give you a shoulder to cry on.
June 6th, 2014 at 03:08 pm 1402067283
You need an attorney, now. Don't let him set the terms of the divorce and take advantage of you. Didn't take him very long to get the papers together and serve you, so he must have thought this through. He has a head start and you need to catch up.
You need to close all the joint credit card accounts today. Separate the money today so he can't run up bills the divorce court will split 50/50.
Open up checking and savings accounts in your name only today. Do it at lunch. Direct all your deposits to your accounts, effective immediately.
You are dealing with a manipulative, destructive alcoholic. Is there a chance he would empty the joint accounts? I have seen this happen, which is why I ask. In your shoes, I would ask your attorney how soon you can split the joint asset accounts. Keep a record of every transaction since the split and monitor the accounts.
Change the locks on the house as soon as the attorney agrees you can do that. No showing up unexpectedly and playing emotional games. If he has stuff there, he can make an appointment and your mom can oversee the move-out or at least be there with you. Ask him to return the keys as soon as his possessions are out.
I would give him your attorney's number and ask him nicely not to text or call you. You do not need his emotional BS to interfere with you making the best decisions for you.
You have not failed. He has and he refuses to admit he has a problem. You need to take care of you now. Grief over the loss of a relationship is a process that takes time. Things will get better.
June 6th, 2014 at 03:09 pm 1402067358
He should have given you a heads up, instead of telling you to "have a good day" and "hang in there". It's just more evidence that he is a mess right now.
June 6th, 2014 at 03:11 pm 1402067466
As someone who had a child, I can tell you how different it is from what one imagines. It is so stressful and so hard, even when your husband is the most amazing, loving, competent, completely dependable and 100% committed. It is like an earthquake, and if there is any weakness in the foundation the cumulative stress will bring it down. Imagine dealing with this kind of crap when you are at your most vulnerable with the new baby.
Don't waste your time on him. If a family is what you really want, he is not the guy. Your child deserves a father who wants him as much as you do, not someone who would see it as a favor to you and resent you when things get hard. A man who would move heaven and earth to make sure you feel secure and happy, who puts the welfare of his family above everything, and on whom you know you can always depend, no matter how difficult things get. Don't shortchange yourself and your future baby. Look at the situation as it really is, and at him as he really is, not who you would like him to be - because he is not that person.
June 6th, 2014 at 03:21 pm 1402068063
June 6th, 2014 at 04:14 pm 1402071251
Also, you really need to tell him to stop contacting you. You're still very raw from all of this and it's no different than losing a loved one to death. There are stages of grief you have to go through. His constant contact is not helping this process. However, I'm not surprised he left the papers--you did ask him to speed things up just the day before. Agree he should have given you a heads up in one of those texts.
In all of this, I have to wonder if he has always had a drinking problem? And are many folks in your community aware of this problem? I ask because he's a science teacher, right? As a parent, if I knew a teacher was an alcoholic, I certainly wouldn't want my child to be in that class--especially if experiments with chemicals are involved. And if the adult community knows he's an alcoholic, it's a sure thing that the kids know, as well. This guy needs to get his act together--but he probably hasn't hit rock bottom yet. So sad.
You did everything you could--take comfort in that.
June 6th, 2014 at 05:18 pm 1402075121
June 6th, 2014 at 05:32 pm 1402075950
So many have given such excellent advice, make lists, get a lot of exercise, eat healthy to maintain strength, focus on tasks and take each day's problems as a challenge that you can work through
June 6th, 2014 at 05:34 pm 1402076065
June 6th, 2014 at 05:51 pm 1402077080
And cry all you need to. One day you will forget to cry, and you will be on your way to a much better life.
June 6th, 2014 at 06:17 pm 1402078675
June 6th, 2014 at 06:31 pm 1402079517
June 6th, 2014 at 07:33 pm 1402083190
I should clarify on the divorce papers. We are not getting lawyers. We are splitting things up ourselves. He has said (please don't jump on me!) that he will not fight me over anything. I also want to be as fair as possible when it comes to dividing everything. The papers he left were "How to get divorced ND". Like instructions and forms to fill out to get everything filed with the court system. Not like him "serving" me with papers. Sorry that obviously came off wrong in the initial post.
I feel just DUMB right now. It's like everyone can see he is evil or something except for me. My family, friends, coworkers (mind you there are not many people at all that actually know what is going on) everyone on the blogs...even some of his friends...are all like WHY are you still dealing with this....RUN!
I honestly think he doesn't know/understand he is jerking me around when he says he wants to go play Bingo. He thinks he is being nice and asking me to do something he know I enjoy. Maybe I will just always be naive. Wish I could move to Alaska.
June 6th, 2014 at 08:13 pm 1402085581
I'm just gonna go home after work and take a nap.
June 6th, 2014 at 09:17 pm 1402089442
June 6th, 2014 at 09:47 pm 1402091266
I also have seen a few divorces. Some men, especially those that cheat, like to tell you what they think you want to hear. And if he is doing anything with your money, he might very well be telling you the opposite. Cheaters are liars. Please check your accounts everyday at least!
June 6th, 2014 at 10:22 pm 1402093368
June 6th, 2014 at 10:35 pm 1402094142
However, you yourself said he is an alcoholic, a liar and a cheat. Your family and friends think he is treating you badly and the relationship is not good for you. Your mom says he has to know how he is jerking your emotions around. HIS friends are telling you to run.
Most of the folks giving you the advice to consult an attorney and segregate your assets and credit have seen similar situations among their families, friends, and coworkers. We have seen some of them end badly for the wife, leaving her in difficult straits.
In your shoes, I would consult with an attorney ASAP to understand the rules and process even if you do the paperwork yourselves. I would separate myself financially immediately. If you can come to an agreement, that's fine, but at least you will be protected.
I do not know the divorce rules in your state, but division of finances can be complicated. There are often pensions and retirement accounts that have to be considered and there may be debt as well. These are also things that make it worth the cost to consult with an attorney.
In your shoes, I would go to as many Al-Anon meetings as I could fit in over the next few weeks. Tell your story and see what these people have to say. Perhaps others can offer their divorce stories that will be helpful to you.
Meanwhile, focus on eating healthy, getting exercise, and spending time with your family and your friends. My experience has been these actions help you get through the grieving process.
June 9th, 2014 at 02:54 am 1402282446
As for the guy, he is simply being a jerk, whether he plans to or not. It is like a cat toying with a mouse.
Take care of yourself and there is no shame in getting legal help. You HAVE to look out for yourself mentally, physically, economically, and legally.
June 9th, 2014 at 01:48 pm 1402321713
Need to focus on myself and what I need to get better, not worse.
June 9th, 2014 at 04:15 pm 1402330551