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Response to yesterdays post and finding tiny bits of clarity each day

June 7th, 2014 at 08:58 pm

Thanks Another Reader, Petunia and everyone else that responded on my last post. I know it is hard to access my situation as only knowing what you read. And I know everyone is trying to give me helpful advice.

I went to lunch with DH today to talk about things more to keep them moving. He took another car load of his stuff. He is not and will not be spending/taking money he shouldn't be. He still texts me and asks if he can take $20 out of the ATM. It will absolutely not be a problem. He felt bad that he went and bought a $40 pot/pan set from Wal-Mart without telling me right away.

I feel sad and lonely today. But better. Cause I am finally starting to see that there is something better for me in my future. I have been feeling lonely and alone for a few years now. But I wanted my marriage to work so I just kept trying and thought cause we loved each other things would get better. But between the strain of the drinking and his infertility and now learning about all of his indiscretions....it was just too much and now here we are. If he didn't leave, we would stay married...and I would stay lonely. I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life...so I keep reminding myself of that. Do you want to be lonely the rest of your life? No. Well then this is what you have to go through now so that it doesn't happen.

I went to Al-Anon again this morning and one of the other member's said something really powerful to me about leaving the past in the past. I need to try to remember that.

I also explained to DH that his actions are that of an a-hole....I told him to take a step back, think of only his actions, and not the person doing them. He agreed that if someone told him how he left the divorce papers, how he texts me nice things, but then does something like that is a total jerk thing to do. He also said he has been seeing a counselor and they told him that he was doing things he shouldn't be doing (asking me to go grocery shopping before he told me he wasn't coming back, which made me think that was a good thing) and that his actions directly effected mine...and that his drinking had changed him and thus changed our relationship. It was good to hear that someone else was telling him these things.

Now I will need to decide if I want to be friends with DH when this is all over. Or if I want him out of my life forever. Ideally I would like to stay friends and say hey do you want to go to lunch or a movie or whatever (not NOW but sometime down the road). But IDK if I can do that or not. I told him that...He has been very clear that he wants to still be friends, but he said he understands if I can't handle that. I said I would like to stay friends but IDK if I can cause I am so mad at you about everything and that you want to be my friends, but you don't want ALL of me...and then he said "Oh believe me I want ALL of you (hint hint)...which irritated me a lot. Don't talk to me like that anymore..ugh. Well not trying to go on another vent, but I am starting to wrap my head around things more everyday and soon everything will be out of the house that is his and I know that will help a lot.

Already mowed the lawn, started laundry, went to Al-Anon and did an Ab workout. IT WILL be a good day!

4 Responses to “Response to yesterdays post and finding tiny bits of clarity each day”

  1. nhgirl1970 Says:
    1402173763

    I don't have much to add other than to say,stay strong. It is a rough road, and hard to see that life WILL get better later. It took a long time after my divorce, but I pulled through.

  2. Another Reader Says:
    1402181415

    You are doing a great job getting control of the situation. You are right, there is something better for you in your future.

    It's way too early to worry about what your relationship with your former DH will be in the future. It will evolve over time. As the present fades into the past and you form new relationships, that puzzle will be solved. Meanwhile, keep going to Al-Anon and keep moving forward.

  3. Petunia 100 Says:
    1402182935

    There is no lonelier feeling in the world than being married and knowing you are on your own.

    Life still holds many pleasures and joys for you, it's just hard to see them right now.

    Be patient with yourself; healing takes time.

  4. creditcardfree Says:
    1402276523

    This post lets me know you are going to make it and will be happier on the other side! So glad you are going to Al Anon still and that your former DH is getting counseling. Stay strong and keep moving forward.

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