I went to the bank and opened my new checking account today. Also closed the mortgage checking account. I put in $100 from our joint checking (and gave DH a $100 to open his new checking). I also had $600 from a bonus I got and DH said I could take that money for myself, so now I have $700 in there.
Had an AWFUL day with DH. I am just so full of anger right now. He is still not owning up to friends and family about his actions....but throws me under the bus every chance he gets. I talked to his BF today who he supposedly "told everything to" and he didn't know the half of it.....as an example...DH likes to say "I texted inappropriately" Ummmm....NO! You texted MY COUSIN/BF what you wanted to do to her, and when she said "No...Banker Gurl is gonna kill you"....you said "Banker Gurl doesn't have to know". Just own up to what you did and stop acting like you just did tiny little things! (This is just an example...there are lots more and lots worse).
We have been dealing with this for 7 months and he has still not told either of his parents ANYTHING! They have no idea there are any problems and DH is just gonna drop on them that he is divorced.....wow, they are really gonna love that. They live 8 hrs away and are both alcoholics and I have thought about trying to call them, but who knows when they are coherent enough to comprehend, and he is their baby boy after all so I don't think anything good would come of it. I am sure they will blame it all on me....his mother has never cared for me (she showed up to our wedding wasted and yelled at me about the place cards until I cried....YES that happened!), his Dad loves me but I am not his child.
I called his sister a few weeks ago and she wouldn't talk to me.....of course DH told her my mistakes but neglected to mention any of his numerous problems, lies, cheating etc. Makes me SO, SO, SO mad. I know DH will tell only what makes him look like the less evil and sugarcoat all his wrong doings.
I told him this today when he was getting some more of his stuff. Got in huge fight and ended with him "Lets not talk anymore" Me "Finally we agree on something, have a nice life".
UGH. Whatever. Guess I know the truth and that is all I can deal with. Can't worry about all his friends and family that he lies to, most know the truth anyways since DH has cheated in front of lots of them in someway/shape/form.
But anyways glad to have one more thing done on the financial list. Checks are ordered (free from bank) and now my account is all set to go when I am ready for it.
I opened MY new checking account
June 17th, 2014 at 12:28 am
June 17th, 2014 at 01:12 am 1402967521
June 17th, 2014 at 01:12 am 1402967571
June 17th, 2014 at 01:13 am 1402967586
Cut all ties and move on and BE HAPPY!
June 17th, 2014 at 01:45 am 1402969531
Any money you receive after the day you split is yours, period. Get the refinance started, consult an attorney about the legally correct way to split the assets and then get the divorce filed. It's time to rip the band aid off and move on.
June 17th, 2014 at 01:45 am 1402969542
June 17th, 2014 at 03:28 am 1402975712
June 17th, 2014 at 03:34 am 1402976073
X can't tell his parents or people he cares about that he has failed at marriage. He can't tell himself truths like he is an alcoholic.
June 17th, 2014 at 04:01 am 1402977719
June 17th, 2014 at 04:36 am 1402979771
Ugh on all of his lies. Just remember that all the important people know the "real" story and those that want to live in la la land can .
You have come a long way since this awful journey began and you are getting stronger and more empowered.
June 17th, 2014 at 05:40 am 1402983622
June 17th, 2014 at 06:34 am 1402986879
June 17th, 2014 at 01:35 pm 1403012128
Snafu - Thank you, I hope you know I truley understand that everyone is only giving this information/advice with the best intentions. I do know that. There is still a button stuck in my head that I feel the need to defend him even when I know I shouldn't. That is one of the things that they have been talking about at Al-Anon. Stop making excuses for that person. Stop defending them. They are responsible for their own actions, and you are responsible for only yours. It makes sense on paper....but gets scrambled in my head.
I can't change any garage code, it is just a remote and they are both set for our garage. I imagine there is a way to reset them but I wouldnt have the slightest clue.....I did ask him for the garage door opener and the keys back yesterday again and he said he would give them back when the house is out of this name....I will try to talk to him about it again today.
I have been telling him numerous times that he needs to get his stuff out and he has been actively working on it, but he just has a car and has been taking car loads at a time which is slow moving. I will tell him to borrow his friends truck and get it all. Part of the problem is a lot of it isn't packed, and I don't want to pack it for him...he can pack his own crap...so when he comes over it takes time to box things up, load, etc. But I am not helping...NOPE.
He texted me this morning and said he was sorry he yelled at me yesterday. He is always sorry. Doesn't fix nothin.
June 17th, 2014 at 01:51 pm 1403013089
He's an alcoholic. He is not sorry because he takes no responsibility for his actions whatsoever. Truly sorry would mean it's his fault and he needs to change. Not going to happen. Be strong and make the final break. It's in your best interest.
June 17th, 2014 at 01:51 pm 1403013110
June 17th, 2014 at 02:18 pm 1403014704
There is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to stop allowing X to block the light. As for his family, that's his problem. You need to focus of Y O U!
June 17th, 2014 at 05:27 pm 1403026042
I completely understand you not wanting to pack his stuff, but by coming over for a little at a time just drags it all out and it gives him more opportunities to abuse you verbally. Once he doesn't have control or access into your home this might make him see it is easier to come over just once and get it done. He should bring help, and a truck and be out in one day. People move in one day ALL the time. Personally, I would actually find it quite cathartic to pack up someones stuff that I was ready to be done with. I'd put it out on the curb or driveway and send them a picture to pick up before trash day.
June 17th, 2014 at 06:19 pm 1403029161
June 17th, 2014 at 10:01 pm 1403042499
June 18th, 2014 at 12:54 am 1403052848
Schedule the lock change for Friday and find someone to change the garage door code. After his stuff is out, his presence in your house is by invitation only!
June 18th, 2014 at 02:03 am 1403057039
June 18th, 2014 at 04:19 am 1403065186
I wish you would follow Another Readers suggestion to engage an attorney. X is very manipulative and he'll change agreements, terms and conditions repeatedly. I hope you're not emotionally tied to that house as he can force it's sale if he believes it will cause you a lot of pain. Please don't reveal your emotions in words or tone of voice. You need to keep it all as cool and remote as you can muster. If that's not possible you are not required to answer phone or text.
June 18th, 2014 at 05:45 am 1403070336
June 18th, 2014 at 08:16 pm 1403122595
June 18th, 2014 at 08:18 pm 1403122704
June 18th, 2014 at 11:53 pm 1403135637
((HUGS))
June 23rd, 2014 at 11:48 pm 1403567316
Best Regards
Mrs Linda Wilson
June 24th, 2014 at 05:39 pm 1403631596
But this last post is BANANAS, right? Is that not the strangest spam you've ever seen??
Stay tough, BG. Listen to these smart ladies and distance yourself from this toxic influence.
June 25th, 2014 at 01:46 pm 1403703960
July 10th, 2014 at 08:23 pm 1405023833
June 5th, 2017 at 02:51 pm 1496674317
June 6th, 2017 at 10:24 am 1496744652