Everything seems to be going 100 MPH and I can't seem to ever catch up.

My house is a mess, I haven't worked out in IDk how long (other then coed softball and one day I did the eliptical at the gym while I was getting BFs oil changed), work has been nutso, I haven't been able to get my rummage sale totals done or any of the stuff brought in from the garage and put away...UGH!

The last few weeks have just been insane. Two weeks ago XHs grandmother passed away. This was not too unexpected, she was 80+ and had been in poor health for many years. But still very sad and tough to deal with. Then exactly one week later XH's mother died. Yup. You read that right. So his grandmother and mother both died a week apart. The day his mother died was the day our divorce was in the paper. When it rains it....tsunamis?? Just terrible. XH has not told me the official reason for her death, just that she went to bed and didn't wake up. Her heart stopped in her sleep.

She was an extremely heavy drinker. An alcoholic for as long as I have known her. Had been to rehab at least twice, DUIs, fired from work for drinking on the job, etc. Last time I saw her was February, she had to have a drink by 9am because she got the shakes and couldn't function. She was only 52.

I have been trying to be there for XH, but it is a hard spot. BF is not very fond of us having contact, which is understandable as he has seen the hurt in me from XH that I cannot shake. But he understands (or trys to) that this is a situation of unimaginable circumstance. Both GMIL and MIL lived 8hrs away, so there isn't a lot I can do here. XH went there for a week and a half to help with arrangements and be with family. While he was gone I paid a few bills for him (already been reimbursed) and collected his mail. Normally I would not be doing things like this, but again, when you have so many terrible things like this, I am not going to say no to helping him. Plus I volunteered for anything I could do to help him.

Now it's been about 2 weeks and I am trying to get things back to normal. I don't want to keep talking to XH unless it is absolutely needed. Still hurts to talk to him too much and I have started having bad, depressive feelings again since we started talking more. At least once every few days he says something that crushes me. (He is obviously in serious grief, so it is hard to get angry, so I just get sad, and walk away). BF reminds me, just because he is dealing with major events in his life, does not give him an excuse to treat you poorly, especially when you have stepped up when you didn't need to, to try to console him.

Also the funeral (a double funeral ) will not be until 10/3/14....when I will be in Laughlin, NV...with BF. Since they are 8 hrs away, I would most likely not have gone anyways, as I don't have time off of work, and would not qualify for bereavement since they are not "family" but I do feel bad about not going. They were my family too. If the funeral was not so far away I would have tried to go.

Hoping I will still be able to enjoy the trip with BF, knowing while I am gambling, shopping and lounging at the pool, the person I thought was the love of my life will be having one of the worst days of their life, and I am not there to support them....just makes me feel like total sh*t.

Just HARD. So SAD.

Also there is something wrong with my card (I believe BF said "heater core") and so my car is not driveable. I have been driving BFs extra vehicle for a few days and probably will get my car back next week....estimate $800 for the card repair.

In other news, my BF is wonderful, I love him dearly and am so lucky to have found him and have such an amazing support in all of this mess of life.