I can't take this anymore. I can' breathe, I can't stop crying. I just threw up my lunch.
How could I be wrong about someone for 12 years. Am I really that stupid?
He asked me to go shopping on Thursday, came to my softball. Been texting and calling. Things seemed good considering.
This morning I went to my 2nd Al-Anon meeeting and got my oil changed, did dishes and actually cooked a lunch. Felt good I did so many things and was productive.
Then today I talked to him on the phone and he thinks it is best for both of us to be apart for good. He is not coming back.
How could I be so wrong about everything in my life?
Dying
May 31st, 2014 at 07:09 pm
May 31st, 2014 at 07:19 pm 1401563964
What do you think of Al-Anon so far?
May 31st, 2014 at 07:48 pm 1401565703
What did the Al-Anon folks suggest for dealing with this behavior? Did they explain that he will not change and there is nothing you can do to make him change? That any change he makes has to be his choice and he has to choose to change to help himself?
If I were in your shoes, I would consider cutting him off completely. He's playing with your emotions. He's hurting you and you do not deserve to be hurt. You deserve a better life and a better partner.
May 31st, 2014 at 07:52 pm 1401565956
He obviously is missing you and your many kind, thoughtful, gestures. It will likely take all your fortitude and determination to remain quiet, unprovoked and Breathing. I truly hope you'll see a professional counsellor for an unemotional, knowledgable, point of view. This is a safe place to vent if he doesn't watch your SA posts. It's not a good idea to vent with people who know you both as statements are easily misinterpreted.
It's asking a lot but I hope you will continue your plan, be productive, carry on with softball, your list, work, daily routine, Al Anon, and as much physical activity as possible to grind out stress and frustration. Would you consider yoga?
May 31st, 2014 at 08:34 pm 1401568449
Is this situation worth dying for? I would argue that it isn't. Your identity is fused with a marriage/man/spouse/husband/wife. Of course your identity and core is being shaken. I would argue that you are far more than a wife to this man. I think that you need to see a therapist/counselor/pastor/someone who can help you given your past behavior surrounding the perceived hopelessness of this situation. Know that there is a life past this. Ultimately, this isn't about him. It is about you. And you need to see your personal worth.
May 31st, 2014 at 08:53 pm 1401569634
Snafu - YES I definitely think it makes him angry that I am going to Al-Anon. Which is frustrating to me...don't you want me to feel better, and to know how to handle this? No you don't. Cause that would mean you have to admit there is a reason for me to go to Al-Anon.
I have a number for a counselor and will call on Monday.
Another Reader - Are you my Mother? Cause she said many of the exact things you have. "He's playing with your emotions. He's hurting you and you do not deserve to be hurt. You deserve a better life and a better partner."
And yes Al-Anon is TRYING to tell me those things, and I hear them, but so many of them are hard for me to understand right now. I did say that at the meeting and they told me it will take time.
HEADACHE
May 31st, 2014 at 09:00 pm 1401570034
My sister was with a man who used alcohol and drugs to destroy his life, their life and almost the lives of their three beautiful children. He is still using but they are now divorced.
Out of her situation she became a strong, independent, woman. She is an amazing mother, sister and soon to be wife to an amazing man who loves her and her kids.
She did it through counseling and Al-anon. Yes, she went, sometimes 4 or 5 times a week. It helped her immensely and I hope it will help you. I attended with her when she returned to our area. It was nice to learn skills to cope, how to deal with him, how to be able to move on.
You are in my thoughts.
May 31st, 2014 at 09:54 pm 1401573249
When you love someone, and you've given yourself whole-heartedly into your marriage, you will always think the best of your partner even when their behavior in someone else would have you running for the hills. Don't be too hard on yourself for the amount of time - 12 years. You are really knowing who he is now, warts and all. If he chooses alcohol over growth, that is his choice and really has nothing to do with you.
June 1st, 2014 at 04:57 am 1401598657
June 1st, 2014 at 06:26 am 1401603986
I agree with everyone above!
June 1st, 2014 at 05:32 pm 1401643960
How could you be so wrong? You loved him, and you believed that he felt the same way. People in love usually do. But would you ever treat someone you love the way he treated you? He has been using you when he needs you then dropping out when he's done. Now, apparently, he is on to something else.
Good riddance, BG. Someday you will be able to say it yourself.
June 4th, 2014 at 01:32 pm 1401888759