Just found out a previous friend is pregnant with twin boys. They already have a girl who is about 3 y/o. I actually had blocked her feed from my FB because when her posts popped up it reminded me of a specific episode of XH cheating (not with her, but from the same group of friends). So I guess it's been all over FB since January that they are having twins but I just found out since I don't see her posts.
Just feeling super jealous. I will never understand how God chooses who gets to have babies and who doesn't. 
According to the drs XH was the one that couldn't have children....but I feel paranoid that I won't be able to because of trying for so many (7!) and never getting pregnant. Also feel cheated of so many baby making years lost with him when he wasn't in it for the long haul anyways.
Sometimes I just have bad, selfish, jealous days. And I hate that. I don't want to be jealous when I find out people are pregnant...I want to be happy for them. I want to feel like a normal person....not a spiteful one. But it stings bad whenever I find out.
The worst is when people say "they understand". Unless you have gone through years of trying, crying, praying. $10K+ in medical bills, uncountable hours in drs offices, embarrassing, invasive tests.....prodding questions by drs, nurses, family, friends, strangers who think it's ok to ask someone "why don't you have kids yet" or "when are you going to have kids".....dealing with all of that....and to end up with NOTHING. If that hasn't happened to you then please don't tell someone you understand.
I know I should stick with "be thankful for what you have" But some days I just can't be thankful and I am resentful that I am not and may never be a Mom. I know I am feeling worse about this lately with Mother's Day coming up as it is always a very tough day for me every year.
Having a down day
May 4th, 2015 at 04:04 pm
May 4th, 2015 at 04:32 pm 1430757175
Hands down, it sucks.
Been there, done that. 6.5 years of infertility, then went on to have seven pregnancies (five surviving) in eleven years. In the process of adopting #6 now.
From your testing, you should have been given some assurance that there isn't anything wrong with you physically. Are you actively trying to get pregnant with your fiancée? Are you discussing with him if you are open to adoption or to have him tested?
I have two friends who are both carriers for genetic abnormalities (one is Battens and the other is WHIM). Both have gotten pregnant with IVF and implantation of genetically tested embryos.
I hope that you are kind to yourself. And for what its worth, my heart breaks every single time I see a friend's child who it age that my child should have been.
Keep talking to your fiancée and maybe find a support group. I advocate that only because of the like-mindedness of those in such a group. And it a specific time to go and deal with this heavy stuff, not alone and on your own.
May 4th, 2015 at 05:04 pm 1430759060
May 4th, 2015 at 05:17 pm 1430759868
Things will happen for you. If you worry I know a woman who went through 9 IVF cycles to have one child because her husband won't adopt. And another 5 for a second child she never had. Some people do understand and feel the pain. She said "my husband cut me off after 5 IVF, he said no more." So they have one lovely child.
May 4th, 2015 at 05:53 pm 1430762005
It horrifies me why anyone would ever ask the question, "Why don't you have kids yet?" We have a close relative who went through the most horrific infertility experience imagineable. Let's just say that I would never assume someone without kids was making that choice. In the days of later marriages and with how common IVF is you think more people would get the memo. (I've always been more sensitive to that because my sister and I have a large age gap. To this day people insert foot in mouth when it comes to that. I have no idea why people care so much! & they all clearly think my parents were just stupid to have us so far apart. I am sure it's just a vocal few, but you wonder what the hell is wrong with people). Anyway, relative with horrific story ended up adopting 3 kids and also had one natural child through surrogacy. & she was by far the worst case of anyone I know in my generation. Probably the only person I know who could not have a natural pregnancy with medical intervention. (Though I know several older people who couldn't have kids, but those were different times). There is so much technology to help infertile couples these days, and so many options.
May 4th, 2015 at 06:35 pm 1430764541
May 4th, 2015 at 09:28 pm 1430774913
May 4th, 2015 at 11:15 pm 1430781317
May 6th, 2015 at 03:12 am 1430881942
May 6th, 2015 at 07:23 am 1430897026
Hope you are feeling better today.
May 7th, 2015 at 02:48 am 1430966935
May 8th, 2015 at 01:11 pm 1431090660
May 8th, 2015 at 05:49 pm 1431107346
May 10th, 2015 at 10:08 pm 1431295707
Even though it hasn't happened yet, remember that you are still young, and you have time! Truly! I'll be honest with you, I'm torn between feeling that now you really HAVE found the man of your life (your DF), but also worrying that you might be moving too quickly.
Of course I don't really know you. People always worry about relationships that start "on the rebound". My current 23 relationship started like that too. And here we are, happily married, 23 years later. :-)
My Dad always used to joke about how only first kids were premature LOL. ;-)
Wishing you the best, as always.