Well DH found an apt and is going to start moving in on Sunday. Deposit was $700 and rent is $700 per month (prorated for this month since he isnt' moving till 5/11/14). I am doing my best to hold it together and think that this isn't the end. He continues to say he is coming back (and now he thinks it's funny when he does an Arnold Schwarznager impression "I'll be Bach!"). He seems much more optomistic then he did before...less of "I don't know if I am coming back, that is what I am going there to figure out" and more of "I am coming back, that is the plan." I of course am trying to not get my hopes up or read into it too much as I am SICK of being let down and feeling sick to my stomach all the time. At this point I am actually looking forward to him being gone just to get some real rest. Sunday is going to be terrible for sure, also it's Mother's Day, which is always a depressing day for me since I haven't been able to have children with DH. It's always been a very hard day for me for the past 6 years and this one will be particularly painful.
Still working on wrapping my head around that this is a step that needs to be done for us to move forward positively. Going to start making lists of things I want to do around the house/yard, for myself, with family/friends to help me feel better. I love making lists and crossing things off....silly thing to make me feel better, but I wil take any little ounce of comfort right now.
Thanks for reading, commenting and thinking of me. I hope I am not too wallowing and scare anyone away.....lol....banker gurl will be back someday...with or without banker boy. I do know that.
In other depressing news....
May 8th, 2014 at 03:57 pm
May 8th, 2014 at 04:03 pm 1399561436
May 8th, 2014 at 04:06 pm 1399561576
I would gently encourage and urge you to get yourself some counseling, so that you'll understand what happened in the relationship and move to a point where you can process things somewhat objectively. With or without this life partner, you can emerge stronger. I would definitely have clear boundaries on where/when you will talk to your husband while you are separated. And make that list of things you'd like to do. That will keep you occupied and satisfied. Always know that we're here to hear.
May 8th, 2014 at 04:21 pm 1399562485
If your Mom isn't with us, try adopting someone who is alone for Mother's Day and taking them out for lunch.
That said, I am so glad you are sharing at this tremendously emotionally draining time. While all this is going on, get rested up, and do things just for yourself - like a new hair cut, or going to a day spa for a facial or a massage. When I get really lonley or burned out, I try to take a day to go somewhere I have never visited. Do something for yourself that nutures you. It will refresh your spirit.
I wish you lived close by so I could give you a shoulder rub.
You are in my thoughts and prayers
May 8th, 2014 at 04:34 pm 1399563244
Oh and I forgot to mention I did look up the meeting info for Al-Anon it is on Monday nights so I might try to go next week. I feel very nervous about it so not sure yet if I am ready to go then or wait one more week.
Also printed off a list of BH providers that are in-network with my insurance.
Baby steps.
May 8th, 2014 at 04:43 pm 1399563833
Every step and thought in the next/right direction moves you away from the place of pain that you are in right now. I am so proud of you for finding some BH providers and finding the Al-Anon meeting. If you aren't ready to go this Monday, then go the next one. Good for you for taking care of yourself!
May 8th, 2014 at 05:08 pm 1399565299
May 8th, 2014 at 05:24 pm 1399566286
PS - Remember, call/email anytime!
May 8th, 2014 at 10:01 pm 1399582911