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In other depressing news....

May 8th, 2014 at 03:57 pm

Well DH found an apt and is going to start moving in on Sunday. Deposit was $700 and rent is $700 per month (prorated for this month since he isnt' moving till 5/11/14). I am doing my best to hold it together and think that this isn't the end. He continues to say he is coming back (and now he thinks it's funny when he does an Arnold Schwarznager impression "I'll be Bach!"). He seems much more optomistic then he did before...less of "I don't know if I am coming back, that is what I am going there to figure out" and more of "I am coming back, that is the plan." I of course am trying to not get my hopes up or read into it too much as I am SICK of being let down and feeling sick to my stomach all the time. At this point I am actually looking forward to him being gone just to get some real rest. Sunday is going to be terrible for sure, also it's Mother's Day, which is always a depressing day for me since I haven't been able to have children with DH. It's always been a very hard day for me for the past 6 years and this one will be particularly painful.

Still working on wrapping my head around that this is a step that needs to be done for us to move forward positively. Going to start making lists of things I want to do around the house/yard, for myself, with family/friends to help me feel better. I love making lists and crossing things off....silly thing to make me feel better, but I wil take any little ounce of comfort right now.

Thanks for reading, commenting and thinking of me. I hope I am not too wallowing and scare anyone away.....lol....banker gurl will be back someday...with or without banker boy. I do know that.

8 Responses to “In other depressing news....”

  1. creditcardfree Says:
    1399561436

    Interesting that he is upbeat about the whole thing. I will be thinking of you on Sunday and wishing you well. It is hard not to be a mom in our culture at times, but you are valuable with or without children. Don't forget that!

  2. Wife of the Deacon Says:
    1399561576


    I would gently encourage and urge you to get yourself some counseling, so that you'll understand what happened in the relationship and move to a point where you can process things somewhat objectively. With or without this life partner, you can emerge stronger. I would definitely have clear boundaries on where/when you will talk to your husband while you are separated. And make that list of things you'd like to do. That will keep you occupied and satisfied. Always know that we're here to hear.

  3. Miz Pat Says:
    1399562485

    Sweetie, Mother's Day used to be very painful for me because I never had kids. I have a wonderful friend who lives alone, and I always take her out on Mother's Day. She's my adopted mom! It has made Mother's Day a fun holiday instead of breaking my heart.

    If your Mom isn't with us, try adopting someone who is alone for Mother's Day and taking them out for lunch.

    That said, I am so glad you are sharing at this tremendously emotionally draining time. While all this is going on, get rested up, and do things just for yourself - like a new hair cut, or going to a day spa for a facial or a massage. When I get really lonley or burned out, I try to take a day to go somewhere I have never visited. Do something for yourself that nutures you. It will refresh your spirit.

    I wish you lived close by so I could give you a shoulder rub.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers

  4. Banker Gurl Says:
    1399563244

    Thanks all and yes Miz Pat I wish you lived close to! We could have a margarita together! LOL

    Oh and I forgot to mention I did look up the meeting info for Al-Anon it is on Monday nights so I might try to go next week. I feel very nervous about it so not sure yet if I am ready to go then or wait one more week.
    Also printed off a list of BH providers that are in-network with my insurance.

    Baby steps.

  5. Wife of the Deacon Says:
    1399563833


    Every step and thought in the next/right direction moves you away from the place of pain that you are in right now. I am so proud of you for finding some BH providers and finding the Al-Anon meeting. If you aren't ready to go this Monday, then go the next one. Good for you for taking care of yourself!

  6. CB in the City Says:
    1399565299

    I went to Al-Anon when I was dealing with being an adult child of an alcoholic. Trust me when I say there is nothing to be nervous about! The people I met there were wonderful and supportive, and it really felt good to know that others were dealing with the same issues -- or worse -- and getting through it.

  7. Mooshocker Says:
    1399566286

    BG - Do me a huge favor.......focus on yourself. Make yourself "whole" again! This path, although far from over, will be much less devistating as long you remain focused on yourself. It is not your "job" to "fix" him or even make him happy. He has chosen this path to "think", which usually equals "live unencumbered and guilt free". You should consider peeling yourself back to your smallest form, journal where your mind and heart lies and take baby steps towards healing yourself. Let the chips fall where they may with him. Jamie

    PS - Remember, call/email anytime!

  8. Joanne Says:
    1399582911

    Hi BG, I also want to say .. Do what you can , and what helps you to feel good about yourself. I will also be thinking about you on Sunday. I hope that you get to spend some time with people who make you feel happy. Hang in there, and I hope that this weekend is better for you....

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