Well the only thing that makes me feel better the last few months is working out, a few people who know what to say to make me feel better, and numbers. Since I just threw up I am thinking it's not the time to work out, I already talked to my Mom, Jamie is lost and I don't feel like dragging anybody else down...so that means numbers.

I'm not going to pretend I'm all strong and awesome and gonna be ok right now....but I am gonna figure out what I need to do...so here goes.

I haven't had an actual budget in probably 10 years. Have always been frugal in all areas, so that when we wanted to buy something, we don't need to think about it, we can just buy it since we are always frugal in every area. That is going to have to change.

-I called the bank and left a message for our mortgage officer. I have called her a few months ago and discussed our situation, so she is aware that we may be divorcing and one of us buying out the other. I asked her to call me back and hopefully set up a meeting this week to get an appraisal set up and crunch some numbers. The estimate she gave me previously was $1005 for a monthly payment (I would have to go back to a 30 yr, we are currently 3 years into a 10 yr ) Estimate was for 30yr loan, $150Kish, 4.25% (currently at 2.75% UGH).

-I called and cancelled cable, that will save me $50 a month. They will be shutting it off Monday. I rarely watch TV, I have plenty of DVDs and I have Netflix. If I really wanted to watch something on TV I can go to the gym, or my parents.

So here is what I have for a budget so far. Please let me know if I am missing anything or any suggestions. As I said it has been a LONG time since I actually budgeted my money.

Mortgage $1005
Heat/Air/Electric $150
Water $50
Cellphone $50
Gym $25
Internet $50
Car Insurance $50
Fuel $100
Groceries $50
Netflix $15
Going out/beer $75
Unaccounted Expenses $55
CVS $25

Total Expenses $1650

*Mortgage - this is estimated off the numbers I got from the bank a few months ago.
*Heat/Air/Electric - this is an estimate of bills for all year round. I live in ND so we have very cold winters, and very hot summers. I always hold out as long as I can on the heat and air, dress warmer cooler, use blankets or fans etc...but they are both a NEED here so that is my best estimate.
*Cellphone - I do not have a smart phone and have no interest in getting one. This is for a regular phone with unlimited talk and text. I am not willing to change that.
*Gym - There are some cheaper gyms in my area, but I am very comfortable at my gym, it is close enough to walk or bike, is open 24 hrs, and have TVs on all the machines so I could go watch TV there and enjoy the AC if I wanted. In the summer it isn't used as much, but winters here are much too brutal to not have an indoor workout venue. Would like to keep that the same, but will change if needed.
*Internet - Unlimited wireless internet. I can get most sites, including my blog at work (can't get on FB), but would not be doing that on work time. Plus the internet is one of my main sources of entertainment on nights/weekends. I would like this to cost less....not sure what other options there are here, but that is something I can look into.
*Car Insurance - Not sure how this will change, as the $50 is a monthly breakdown of what we have now for two cars. Since I will lose the dual car discount, married discount etc....it may not go down much if at all.
*Fuel - I mainly only drive to work and softball. CVS once a week. Unfortunately I live on the complete other side of town from work so biking or walking would not be an option. However it is only an 11 min drive (if it wasn't ALL uphill I could consider biking in the summer months...but alas I would never make it up all those dang hills). I usually stay at work and work OT until softball time, so no extra driving there. CVS, the mall, grocery store are all close enough that I could easily walk, rollerblade or bike as long as I don't have too heavy of a hall. I need to get my bike in riding shape. I will work on that asap. I think the $100 is a high estimate, but this way I will have a cushion in case I go out of town.
*Groceries - I don't eat much and am fine surviving on yogurt, cereal, fruit, veggies, milk and a few other staples. Already have lots of soup, noodles, rice, spices etc.
*Water - Water bill never really varies much so this shouldn't fluctuate much, or go down slightly since only one person showering.
*Netflix - This is currently at $25 for streaming and 3 DVDs at a time. I don't need the 3 DVDs, that was something DH wanted. I am not sure of the exact cost of just the streaming but I believe it is around $15 or less. I will request DH to cancel the 3 DVDs or open his own account.
*Going out/beer - This one is tricky. Hard to meet new people with out going out at least sometimes. I am going to stop buying beverages for the house (my own drinking has increased a LOT since DH left) and only have drinks after softball. One of my teams prefers to go out after the games (it's usually happy hour...and I don't HAVE to go out every week), the other always tailgates and has a few beers, MUCH cheaper then going out to a bar/restaurant.
*Unaccounted Expenses - Clothes, softball fees, hair cuts, Al-Anon donations, misc household or yard expenses.
*CVS - Since I make money off of most of the items I get at CVS, I am going to try to keep this in my budget. The $25 is actual OOP amounts, not amounts paid with gift cards or extra bucks.

Income:
My take home pay right now is $1000 every two weeks. That is after 6% goes into my 401K and $25 for health insurance. Once DH is off my health insurance, that will go down to $0. So my take home pay will be $2050 per month. That does not include any OT (I average about 7-10 hrs a week in OT which is paid at time + 1/2). I usually have about $200-$250 per paycheck in OT pay. At this time OT is unlimited (up to 12hrs a week that we are open) and it has been for some time, but there is no guarantee that will continue (however I do not foresee the OT stopping at all this year).
I have no plans of cancelling my 401K contributions. I would cancel the gym, Netflix or internet before I would stop that.

So then we have:
$2050 Income
-$1650 Expenses
=$400.00 in the Black each month

So even without OT pay, rummage sales, recycling, FB sales, a second job or a roommate....I should be ok. I will continue to work as much OT as I can, and everything I come in under budget on, plus OT pay will go to savings. I have also reached out to a friend regarding being my roommate...they are going to let me know as they are moving back to town and they aren't sure of an exact date yet. I am not for sure yet if I want a roommate or a 2nd job (I mean I don't want either of those...but you get what I mean).

I will also have roughly $15K in savings when everything is done. So if I had a month where expenses were high I have a good size cushion.

Since tomorrow is June 1, I am going to use this month as a test month for my budget.

Welcome to all comments/advise.

I can't take this anymore. I can' breathe, I can't stop crying. I just threw up my lunch.

How could I be wrong about someone for 12 years. Am I really that stupid?

He asked me to go shopping on Thursday, came to my softball. Been texting and calling. Things seemed good considering.

This morning I went to my 2nd Al-Anon meeeting and got my oil changed, did dishes and actually cooked a lunch. Felt good I did so many things and was productive.

Then today I talked to him on the phone and he thinks it is best for both of us to be apart for good. He is not coming back.

How could I be so wrong about everything in my life?

I knew this was coming out soon, but with all the hub bub in my life I missed seeing it. It came out 5/14/14 and here is the link if you wanna check it out. Very cool to be mentioned (even if I am listed as Bank Gurl rather than Banker Gurl...lol).


http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/2014/05/14/1023084_ways-to-save-money-at-cvs.html

New Focus = Home Maintenance $6105/$7000

Current Balance $32,320.00
-$28.00 to ROTH IRA
+$8.00 Even Out Amount
Balance $32,300.00

ING $28,360.00
Home Improvements(cash)$440.00
HSBC $3500.00
Total = $32,300.00

Continuing on with cleaning out the garage, after taking the cans to recycling, I cleaned out the chest freezer. It was a mess because it has TONS of bags of ice in it in the bottom (save ice during the year to use for snow cones at the rummage sale). I put all of the bags of ice in neat stacks now under the tray section since I won't need it at all unless it's rummage sale time. I have an ice maker in the freezer in the house, so that is what I use for daily ice use.
Before


And After

Now I can actually see what food is in there! All the bags of candy are for Halloween (NOT for me! LOL!). Got a super deal on them last year, only $1 a bag at CVS! So I stocked up since we get 300+ trick-or-treaters.
I found 3 more bags of fish from Mexico (my Mom goes there every year and brings back fish she catches) that I will cook soon. Also some deer sausage, chicken, and frozen pizzas. Now that I actually know what is in there again I can start planning some meals accordingly. Will also need to go through the pantry cupboards soon too....but I think my list is big enough for now!

Took in our cans today. We get a lot of cans donated to us. Several of my coworkers give me their cans at work, plus between DH and I we have 3 softball teams that generate a LOT of cans after games. Took them in today, had 75lbs at .50 per lb totaled to $36.50 (they minus 2lbs for dirt, water and other misc that adds to your total).

Also took in my piggy bank to the bank had $56.14. Deposited $53.50 with the can money, so that totaled to $90.00. The other few dollars will go back into the pig for next time.

Normally I put all change and recycling money to the mortgage. For now I am just going to put that into the mortgage checking account and if things pan out then I will put it towards the mortgage later.

Mortgage Checking Balance = $5.00
+$36.50 Recycling
+$53.50 Change
New Balance = $90.00

I am so bad at adding more things to the list as I go..so even though I have checked off a lot..I have added several...oops! Tomorrow I will be running errands and getting those items crossed off.

Bedroom
(X)Laundry
(X)Clean Mirror
(X)Dust Furniture
Bathroom
( )Shower
( )Toilet
( )Sink
( )Mirror
( )Sweep
( )Mop
Office
( )File
( )Move 2013 files to permanent file
( )Clean toys
( )Mark toys
( )Enter Coke Points
( )Enter Special K Points
(X)Wash and pack new storage bins
( )Vacuum
Kitchen
(X)Wash Dishes
(X)Clean off counters
( )Clean off table
(X)Clean oven
(X)Clean microwave
(X)Wash Towels
(X)Clean out fridge
(X)Organize Freezer
( )Sweep Floor
( )Mop Floor
Living Room
( )Pick up
( )Use furniture wash on chairs and couch
( )Wash end tables and TV Stand
( )Vacuum
Landing
( )Make Calendar for June
( )Put away shoes
( )Sweep
( )Mop
Garage
( )Clean out
(X)Get pop cans organized
( )Take pop cans to recycling
( )Sweep
( )Spray out garage
( )Organize Chest Freezer
Yard
(X)Mow Lawn
(X)Clean Hot Tub
( )Clean out rock bed and lay plastic
(X)Take garbage and recycling to curb
Other
(X)Al-Anon Meeting
( )2nd Al-Anon Meeting
(X)Cancel Trip
(X)Buy Coke at CVS
(X)Pay MDU bill
(X)Wax Eyebrows
(X)Paint toe nails
( )Take short and jeans to tailor
( )$50K - $100K Updates for WIR
( )$100K Updates for WIR
(X)Pay mortgage
(X)Grocery shopping
( )Count change and take to bank
( )Get bike in working order
( )Pick out new glasses
( )Oil Change
Workout Everyday
(X)Saturday - Run to Al-Anon
(X)Sunday - Run
(X)Monday - Shape DVD
(X)Tuesday - Softball
(X)Wednesday - Kayaking
( )Thursday - Softball
( )Friday
( )Saturday
( )Sunday
Fun
( )Go play Bingo
( )Go to some rummage sales
( )Go to a movie
(X)Watch and mail 3 Netflix
(X)Read Book on deck
( )Eat Ice Cream!

June 2014 Mortgage Payment

Balance $90,875.00
+$208.26 Interest
-$1218.88 Regular Payment
-$64.38 Principle Payment
-$0 Mortgage Checking Principle Payment
New Balance $89,800.00

Would like to be excited to be under $90K....but obvi I can't be. Actually made my stomach hurt to write out such a tiny principle payment check. This is my 75th payment on the mortgage and the smallest principle payment we have ever made. Until everything is figured out with me and DH I am just going to pay down to the next hundred dollar mark to keep my numbers OCD in check. If things work themselves out later we can always make bigger payments down the line, but for now it's safest to keep more money in savings.



Mortgage Checking Balance = $5.00

Escrow Savings Account = $1430.00

Here is my reward for working so hard this weekend.

I started a new ab routine today, it's one of those 30 day dealies...it is set to start on June 1st, but I thought why wait another week, might as well start today! So I did that and an ab cardio video that I haven't done in a long time.

Was thinking a lot about things to focus on and the 3 I am really thinking for now to keep me busy and upbeat is #1 Physical Fitness, #2 Lawn Care and Improvement and #3 Cooking.

I am already very active, but would like to work on some areas, namely my abs, that is my "problem" area, so I am excited for this 30 day challenge to get a good kick start.

The lawn/yard work is never ending. Honestly my yard is terrible. I have several rock beds that are completely overrun by weeds. Lots of yellow patches, a spot where a stump got pulled out so now it's just a big circle of dirt....I mean I really could do yard work everyday for hours and never get it all done. So that will be a good hobby for me to get into.

I would like to do at least one night a week where I make a new dish. When I went to a BBQ this weekend I didn't have much notice, and was texted to "Just bring some chips or something" I had like an hr to get ready and decided to whip up a noodle salad instead of grabbing chips and everyone loved it so that made me happy. So I thought that would be something fun to focus on and make me feel good.

Tried to stay as busy as possible this weekend...still had a lot of hard moments, today was really bad and broke down several times. Just hits me out of nowhere even when I am busy doing something.

Well anyways...I went out Fri, Sat and Sun night with a guy friend. He knows I am separated and I appreciate very much that he is trying to keep my occupied. I would be worried spending so much time with someone that they may get the wrong impression about what I am looking for, but since I am 14 inches shorter then him (!!) I think I am safely in the friend zone...lol. I had fun and have also met a new girl friend through him too, she doesn't know anything about my personal situation, but has been actively texting me and inviting me to things and invited me to go kayaking today. So that is good!

Been super active all weekend on getting things done. Got the hot tub cleaned out and refilled, lawn mowed, 3 loads of laundry, cleaned out the fridge (took out all the shelving and wiped everything down), cleaned the freezer, cleaned the microwave, washed the dishes, took out the recycling, watched 3 Netflix movies, painted my toe nails, ran 10 miles total, did 45 mins of ab workouts today, washed out some new storage bins I got and moved around some of the CVS stuff to use them most efficiently.

I think cleaning out the fridge is my favorite household chore. Something very therapeutic about it to me. Only had to throw 3 things, 2 containers of half used sour cream and 1 banana Chobani yogurt (GROSS!). Nothing to toss in the freezer, found some halibut I forgot was in there so hoping to make that soon!