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Keeping busy and trying to breathe

November 21st, 2018 at 10:57 am

Today is two weeks since I delivered our twins. It feels like minutes ago, and also an eternity ago.

Both MO and I are doing our best to stay busy and stay positive. It can be a struggle every second... and then I find a few hrs here and there of calm. I wish so hard I could find a way to keep being "ok". When I find those small breaks where I feel "ok" it feels so wonderful to not feel completely destroyed.

We had my postpartum visit a few days ago. No answers as to why I went into pre-mature labor as the pregnancy was 100% healthy up till then, and I had just had a regular OB apt 10 days prior to going into labor, and there were no issues or red flags at all.
So I am very scared that if I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant again, that the same thing could happen, since they don't know the cause, therefore no way to help prevent.

I have a few family and friends who have been making sure I am still breathing. My Mom, my BF and MO have been awesome. MO especially, he is obviously dealing with his own loss and grief with this, but he still holds me up everyday, and his goal is to get me to laugh and smile at least once a day, which he has accomplished each day...which in itself is a miracle.
I am so incredibly lucky to have him, and that really does keep me going through each terrible minute.

Also my two dogs have been an enormous help. They know mama is so sad (and some part of me thinks that they miss and mourn the babies too) and they comfort me every chance they get with cuddles and kisses. Dogs are simply amazing.

Thank you to everyone for the thoughts and prayers. We are doing our best to continue on for our babies and be the kind of parents they would be proud of. One day and one step at a time.

2 Responses to “Keeping busy and trying to breathe”

  1. monkeymama Says:


  2. CB in the City Says:

    One step at a time is right. You will find your way back. ((More hugs))

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